Staying Calm in Chaotic Times
Staying calm in the amidst of chaos can feel overwhelming and yes, even debilitating. I have found, leading my emotions with greater self-awareness requires my ability to learn new behaviors. When tragedy strikes, I have been challenged, too – my feelings that I will hit rock bottom has brought emotional and at times, psychological stress and even physical pain. My choice, however, has always been able to rise above.
In our current times – with this pandemic, I have been forced to face my own emotions and my own realities. For me, this is a time to practice all my learning, both in my mind and in my actions.
Resilience from My Past
In 2012, I was living in the heart of New York City when Hurricane Sandy hit downtown with a vengeance. I remember when the hurricane struck, coincidentally, it was my Birthday, October 29, 2012. I was running front of house operations for a luxury hotel in Soho that immediately had to shut down. The morning after the surge of the storm, I raced to the hotel to get right to work – we were in a “command and control” kind of situation to serve our guests to the best of our abilities.
My own apartment on E 8th street was without power and hot water, which lasted for over a week. As I walked the streets that morning, everything was surreal – the emptiness that I felt was unsettling and yet, as New Yorkers, there was UNITY. We were all experiencing Hurricane Sandy together. It helped us to forge an immediate bond. And literally, together we would weather the storm and take care of one another.
It was normal for our hotel to have a full house in late October. Typically, we would welcome the pleasure of serving our guests and accommodate to their requests. As the storm provided unusual circumstances, we experienced a new opportunity to serve our guests. And that we did. My team and I chose to rise above our already high levels of service and find accommodations for every guest in other hotels - running back and forth to the corner to use pay phones and report which hotels had room for our guests. We hustled hard, communicating with our greatest sense of calm and reassurance to our guests that we would relocate them to safety and comfort uptown.
We had limited staff due to the subway closures and limited taxi service. Yet, for those on our team that could make it to work, we came together in the most beautiful way. I don’t remember one complaint – I only remember us leading ourselves well, managing our emotions and using our greatest sense of self-awareness to be of service to our guests – and ultimately one another.
That first day after the storm is forever embedded in my memory. As a team, we were calm, and we were resilient for our guests and for ourselves.
Leaning into Learning
I’m sure you all have a story. It may be similar or very different from the story I shared above. It’s probably that some of you reading this blog were with me on that late October day. Your point of the story may have a unique vantage point. And, of course, there are many more details that transpired throughout that day and following weeks that I have not shared in this blog (those of you who know me, know I love the details).
It is possible, in this present moment within our current crisis, you may not feel resilient. I understand you may feel worried about how your bills are going to be paid. I get your concern, if your job will still be yours when your daily work routine begins again. I empathize with you concerns about getting sick. These are all comprehensible, reasonable, and valid fears.
My encouragement is this:
Take the Time to Reflect on How You Have Been Resilient in Your Past:
Where have you been resilient?
When have you risen above?
When have you picked yourself up and kept going, despite the pain or fear you were experiencing?
Remember, your emotions and thoughts, albeit strong and sometimes even downright bossy, are not in charge of you. Your commitment to increasing your self-awareness will guide you to choose one thought over the other, one emotion over the other. Your self-awareness will remind you; YOU are responsible for your reaction – to this pandemic and to everything that you experience in life. You are the leader of yourself...first. Being the leader of yourself includes being the leader of your emotions.
Had I gone to work after Sandy full of fear and overwhelm of the unknown, I would not have been able to lead myself, my team or my guests to the other side. I made a choice, and that is the key. I made a choice to not focus on all of the things that could go wrong. I made a choice not to focus on the chaos, or the fear that guests were likely feeling. I chose facts and action, over fear. Leading with my self-awareness and not allowing for my emotions to be in charge.
Replacing Fear-based Thoughts with Facts and Action
A simple exercise I often turn to when my thoughts or emotions are feeling ignited:
I Write the fear-based thought exactly as I think it, as I feel it.
You can do this, too.
Then, I counter the fear-based thought. I write a fact or action I can take to change my thought process.
You can do this, as well.
Here are two examples:
Fear based thought: My position will be terminated or indefinitely furloughed.
Fact or Action to be taken: This is not the current reality. I am staying engaged with my team and communicating to my direct report. I am staying connected with industry trends. In light of the unstable situation, I can give myself permission to search for alternative opportunities, update my resume and stay connected with others who are supportive of me.
Fear based thought: My anxiety is going to reach an unmanageable state.
Fact or Action to be taken: I am doing my best to manage my anxiety by taking action. I am doing what I can to feel good – I am trying new things like cooking, reading, meditating, exercising, watching funny movies...Feeling good is a choice. I am seeking support virtually and giving my body grace and kindness to experience stability and clarity.
I am strong and YOU are strong. I am resilient and YOU are resilient. I am capable and YOU are capable. You and I have the choice to stay calm during these chaotic and challenging times. Let’s remember, we are ALL in uncharted territory and we are ALL in this together.
I am here for you and to be of service to you,
Chelsea