“Why wait until tomorrow what could be done today. We’re out!” (insert sent text message sound and sigh of relief here!!)
That was the last line of communication we had with owners of the bed & breakfast my husband and I opened, lived in and managed for nine, extremely long and challenging months in 2016.
Of course, we did not envision this chapter of our lives ending in a negative way. Up to this point, we had had several lengthy conversations with the owners before choosing to leave with the message above.
We gave a month’s notice which was, in full transparency, no way deserved. We had endured months of verbal and emotional abuse thinking if … we just worked harder and smarter the owners’ thoughts, words and behaviors would adjust and change. At some point, we really believed they would be proud of the work we had set out to do and the work we had accomplished with our vast experience in the hospitality industry. We were professionals with decades of experience in hospitality and while we had made the business a success with growth and deliverables month after month – it was truly...a beautiful prison. And, we had to escape.
The memories of Nashville are numerous. The memorable moments, in our short time living and working there were shaping for both my husband and me. Attending countless live concerts – there is nothing like the awe-inspiring music scene in Nashville. The live weekly or nightly entertainment in our parlor – everyone who walked through our bed and breakfast door seemed to be musically talented in a seductive kind of way. The shared night caps and smoking a cigarette during the steamy southern evenings with iconic musicians on our porch will always be thought of fondly. And, meeting and serving beautiful souls, both native and from all over the world are memories we will cherish forever. It’s an experience we will NEVER forget - for all the wonderful and traumatic reasons.
Can you relate?
One way or another, it is probable, you can relate to my story on some level.
Have you ever taken a risk for work that didn’t have the outcome you hoped for or anticipated?
Have you entered business with people that you weren’t aligned with, couldn’t move forward even though you may have had experiences that were positive and enjoyable?
Have you ever tried something creatively where you feel, you failed?
Whatever your relatable experience is; I’m certain, we share one thing in common. At some point in our individual life experience – we made a plan for life to be more exciting and better, only to realize, life had a different plan. Life decided to serve us an outcome that we did not anticipate, expect or even want.
Now what?
So what do we do when things don’t go as planned? Do we say sh*t! This sucks! I have no clue what I’m going to do next?
Maybe. Probably. Likely.
But eventually, and the reality is, the pit in the bottom of our stomach from our “failure” releases us and guides us to be resilient. Our resilience supports us to get up and start to hope and dream, again. Currently and in history, some of the most successful people have openly remarked that they have learned more from their failures than their successes.
Why is that?
Because they were never failures to begin with - successful people take chances, they put themselves out there, use their voices for what they’ve learned, they've increased their ability to pivot, and ultimately...they did not stay attached to a specific outcome.
Releasing attachment
At first, this idea of releasing the attachment to specific outcomes was hard for me to understand and it came originally from one of my spiritual teachers. However, I now apply this idea to all my business ideas and personal life as well.
Release control? Release expectations? Release intentional work?
The answers are YES, KIND OF and NO.
You see, when you release control of an outcome you really want – whether it be personal or professional you allow more energy, space and opportunity to experience what’s truly meant for you.
Ex.: Leaving Nashville was not my original plan. BUT, it was the catalyst to how I live my life now. Now, I live my life with trust, freedom and knowing that I can follow my intuition. I know my intuition backs my ability to take action. I have found trust, freedom and intuition always lead me to the opportunities that are most meaningful and meant for me.
When we adjust expectations, we gain clarity. This doesn’t mean we don’t set goals, make to-do lists and come up with a plan – but it DOES MEAN we release the idea that each expectation must be met for the experience to be considered “successful” and we stay open to the adjustments and even the changes.
Intentional work is individual and up to you. Really think about that. No comparisons to others, no judgements upon others or self. Remember, being intentional doesn’t mean every day is packed full – what is most helpful is to: identify your intentions in advance and kindly remind yourself, your ego and emotions are not in charge.
We must release the attachment to specific outcomes right now!
A lot of us feel like we are on a hamster wheel right now with no idea when someone is going to come and open the cage for us to run into our freedom. We never thought we wouldn’t be able to plan our vacations, birthday’s, weddings and big life events in advance. We are literally being forced to release the attachment to specific outcomes - right now!
My encouragement is to follow these steps:
Release control so you can free up space in your mind and gain more energy.
Adjust expectations so you can have greater clarity to experience what is most meaningful to you.
Work toward your goals and build your life with intention without comparing yourself to others.
Every day, we all can choose how we are going to react, overcome and experience life. My hope for all of us is that we will trust who we are and start (or continue) to find our freedom, find our space in our daily lives and start releasing what we do not have control over. For, without attachment, we are fully free.
With Gratitude and always here for you,
Chelsea